How to Keep Your Marriage Growing—Part One

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Pastor Rick Warren: Everybody longs for deep lasting love, but strong relationships don't just happen by accident. [ 0m9s113ms - 0m15s783ms ] Today on Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, we're continuing our series called Finding and Keeping the Love of Your Life. [ 0m15s943ms - 0m22s713ms ] Rick Warren will share practical biblical wisdom for building healthier, stronger, Christ-centered relationships. [ 0m23s213ms - 0m31s703ms ] So, whether you're single, dating, engaged, or married, this series will help you grow in love, communication, and lasting commitment. [ 0m32s133ms - 0m36s793ms ] And today we're going to hear part one of a message called How to Keep Your Marriage Growing. [ 0m37s746ms - 0m39s646ms ]
Pastor Rick Warren: A woman wrote to Dear Abby these words. [ 0m40s986ms - 0m42s866ms ] Do all marriages eventually go stale? [ 0m43s416ms - 0m44s386ms ] Ours has. [ 0m45s106ms - 0m47s696ms ] My husband and I don't seem to have much to talk about anymore. [ 0m48s436ms - 0m52s176ms ] We used to talk about our kids, but now they're grown and gone. [ 0m53s516ms - 0m58s906ms ] Now I have no major complaints about my husband, but the old excitement just isn't there anymore. [ 0m59s676ms - 1m1s846ms ] We watch a lot of television, and we read a lot. [ 1m2s416ms - 1m4s786ms ] And we have fun with some friends. [ 1m5s736ms - 1m8s936ms ] But when we're alone together, it's pretty dull. [ 1m10s336ms - 1m16s146ms ] We even sleep in separate bedrooms now, is there some way to recapture the old magic? [ 1m17s906ms - 1m26s196ms ] Readers Digest reports that the number one question people ask marriage counselors is, why don't we love each other the way we used to? [ 1m27s746ms - 1m31s396ms ] Why don't we love each other the way we used to? [ 1m32s336ms - 1m37s706ms ] Well, the truth is, every marriage is always either growing together or growing apart. [ 1m38s776ms - 1m42s26ms ] Because it's a relationship, it never stands still. [ 1m42s946ms - 1m51s366ms ] And I'll tell you right now, if you're not growing closer to your husband or to your wife right now, you're growing apart, little by little. [ 1m51s816ms - 1m56s656ms ] Because relationships, marriages between people, never stand still. [ 1m57s446ms - 2m1s696ms ] Now today, in our series, we're going to look at, how do you keep your marriage growing? [ 2m2s436ms - 2m5s486ms ] The Bible has a couple things to say about that, they're very important. [ 2m5s966ms - 2m14s36ms ] On your outline, Proverbs 24:3 says, homes are built on the foundation of wisdom and understanding. [ 2m15s196ms - 2m23s626ms ] And Paul prays in Philippians 1:9, he says, I pray that your love will keep on growing because of your knowledge and insight. [ 2m24s216ms - 2m32s526ms ] Now I want you to circle in those verses the words wisdom, understanding, knowledge, and insight, because that's what it takes to keep your marriage growing. [ 2m33s276ms - 2m37s456ms ] It takes wisdom and understanding, it takes knowledge and insight. [ 2m37s716ms - 2m40s276ms ] Marriages do not automatically grow. [ 2m40s676ms - 2m45s896ms ] It's not like, I got you, babe, and now for the rest of our lives it's going to just keep on growing. [ 2m46s236ms - 2m51s106ms ] No, it takes skill, it takes effort, it takes knowledge, it takes wisdom. [ 2m51s976ms - 2m53s906ms ] Good marriages don't just happen. [ 2m54s746ms - 2m56s186ms ] Marriages are what you make them. [ 2m56s856ms - 3m8s996ms ] And if you put the effort into them, and you learn the right skills, and you learn the knowledge and wisdom it takes to build a great relationship, you can have a fantastic relationship, no matter what it's been up to this date. [ 3m10s396ms - 3m15s326ms ] So today, we're going to look at what the Bible says about how to keep a marriage growing. [ 3m15s946ms - 3m17s746ms ] And very honestly, it says five things. [ 3m18s146ms - 3m26s166ms ] There are five insights that you need to know, things you need to keep on doing if you want your marriage to keep on growing. [ 3m26s496ms - 3m27s456ms ] Let's get right into it. [ 3m27s576ms - 3m33s406ms ] Number one, the first thing the Bible tells us to do is to keep on paying attention. [ 3m34s536ms - 3m36s466ms ] Keep on paying attention. [ 3m37s486ms - 3m40s486ms ] Now, attention means love. [ 3m41s106ms - 3m44s186ms ] It's the most loving thing you do when you give somebody your attention. [ 3m44s526ms - 3m47s946ms ] When you're paying attention to somebody, you're saying to them, I value you. [ 3m48s806ms - 3m52s896ms ] When you pay attention to somebody, you're saying, you matter to me, you're worth listening to. [ 3m53s436ms - 4m0s426ms ] When you give someone your attention, you're actually giving them your life, because your time is your life, and you're never going to get that time back. [ 4m0s966ms - 4m4s276ms ] So the most valuable thing you can give somebody is your attention. [ 4m5s606ms - 4m9s886ms ] When you give them that, you are actually giving them a part, a slice of your life. [ 4m10s706ms - 4m12s656ms ] Now, the truth is, that's how you fell in love. [ 4m13s506ms - 4m19s646ms ] You fell in love because you began to pay attention to somebody and somebody began to pay attention to you. [ 4m20s6ms - 4m22s226ms ] If that hadn't happened, you would have never fallen in love. [ 4m22s546ms - 4m25s746ms ] In fact, we even use phrases like, she caught my eye. [ 4m26s586ms - 4m28s706ms ] What's that mean? She got my attention. [ 4m30s166ms - 4m35s306ms ] And when you pay attention to somebody and somebody pays attention to you, that's the foundation of a relationship. [ 4m35s446ms - 4m39s206ms ] So before we can talk about anything else, we've got to talk about this. [ 4m40s286ms - 4m46s796ms ] Now, for those of you who are single adults, you might want to go read First Corinthians 7 today, that chapter. [ 4m47s76ms - 4m53s526ms ] Because that chapter is all about where Paul discusses the value and the benefit of staying single over marriage. [ 4m56s196ms - 5m1s486ms ] And in that he's very honest and frank and he says, you know, marriage takes a lot of attention. [ 5m2s186ms - 5m8s496ms ] And if you get married, part of your life is going to have to be given attention to your husband or to your wife. [ 5m9s176ms - 5m12s896ms ] You're going to have less attention for God, less attention for other things that are important to you. [ 5m13s126ms - 5m19s596ms ] So he says, just go into this with your eyes wide open that if you do get married, it's going to require a lot of your attention. [ 5m20s326ms - 5m22s196ms ] Notice in First Corinthians 7, he says this. [ 5m23s896ms - 5m33s576ms ] Marriage involves you in all the domestic life and wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. [ 5m34s406ms - 5m35s786ms ] Marriage takes a lot of attention. [ 5m35s786ms - 5m41s516ms ] Now, do you remember how much attention you used to give to your husband or to your wife before you got married? [ 5m42s676ms - 5m43s976ms ] I mean, you bought flowers. [ 5m44s456ms - 5m45s656ms ] You wrote notes. [ 5m45s956ms - 5m46s936ms ] You made phone calls. [ 5m47s486ms - 5m48s706ms ] You talked for hours. [ 5m48s896ms - 5m57s796ms ] You spent a lot of time together, and in many, many ways during dating and engagement, you said, you have my undivided attention. [ 5m58s96ms - 6m1s126ms ] In fact, you thought about them all the time when you weren't with them. [ 6m2s526ms - 6m3s266ms ] Now, what happened? [ 6m4s606ms - 6m5s146ms ] What happened? [ 6m5s486ms - 6m10s226ms ] You don't think about your husband all the time now or your wife all the time, your attention shifted. [ 6m11s436ms - 6m12s526ms ] You got complacent. [ 6m13s266ms - 6m14s376ms ] You began to take things for granted. [ 6m15s336ms - 6m21s906ms ] And all of a sudden, over time, we tend to pay less attention to our spouse, rather than more attention. [ 6m22s876ms - 6m25s366ms ] Because we start paying attention to things like bills, [ 6m26s496ms - 6m28s176ms ] and babies, and budgets, [ 6m28s636ms - 6m32s376ms ] and career, and work, and hobby, and sports. [ 6m32s636ms - 6m44s486ms ] And all kinds of other things, and all of a sudden, your husband is no longer the focal attention of your life, your wife is no longer the focal attention of your life, you are giving your attention to a lot of different things. [ 6m45s646ms - 6m48s576ms ] And when that happens, the marriage begins to deteriorate. [ 6m49s466ms - 6m54s666ms ] I don't know if you've noticed that attention tends to wear off, and so does attraction. [ 6m55s536ms - 7m1s406ms ] You know, when you decide to buy a new car, and you you see it on the road all the time, you go, wow, that's a good-looking car. [ 7m1s406ms - 7m5s376ms ] I'd sure like to get that car, and you pay attention to that car over and over and over. [ 7m5s636ms - 7m8s886ms ] And when you first get a new car, you buy it, man, you take care of it. [ 7m9s276ms - 7m12s456ms ] I mean, you're waxing it and polishing it. [ 7m12s846ms - 7m18s176ms ] And, you know, you keep it in the garage, and you won't let the kids ride in it unless they've taken a bath. [ 7m18s176ms - 7m21s566ms ] And I mean, it's just, you know, we're going to keep this thing in really tip-top shape. [ 7m22s166ms - 7m23s696ms ] Now, fast forward about a year. [ 7m24s516ms - 7m27s736ms ] You have french fries molding between the seats. [ 7m28s676ms - 7m32s356ms ] Little taco bell packets that have been smashed in the back seat. [ 7m33s206ms - 7m34s816ms ] Coffee that's spilled, milkshakes. [ 7m35s366ms - 7m38s956ms ] Wrappers from a whopper tucked back under the seat. [ 7m38s956ms - 7m43s726ms ] And the dust covering your your dashboard is getting about an inch thick. [ 7m43s726ms - 7m44s376ms ] What happened? [ 7m44s696ms - 7m46s466ms ] You're not paying attention to it anymore. [ 7m47s216ms - 7m48s776ms ] It lost its attraction. [ 7m49s666ms - 7m51s106ms ] It happens with everything in life. [ 7m52s16ms - 7m57s716ms ] You go out and you see a a a dress in a in a store, you go, wow, that's a good-looking dress, I'd like to have that. [ 7m57s716ms - 8m0s246ms ] And you and the first time you wear it, you think, I'm looking good. [ 8m0s846ms - 8m3s246ms ] You know, this really looks good on me. [ 8m3s246ms - 8m4s806ms ] But about the 50th time you wear it, [ 8m5s466ms - 8m6s526ms ] you don't think it's attractive anymore. [ 8m7s756ms - 8m9s896ms ] Why? We tend to lose attraction. [ 8m11s6ms - 8m18s836ms ] Now, I wonder how many things that you thought you just had to have, I've got to get that, are now sitting rusting in your garage? [ 8m20s356ms - 8m21s346ms ] You know, just taking up space. [ 8m21s636ms - 8m25s476ms ] Stuff that you thought was very, very important, but it lost its attraction. [ 8m26s856ms - 8m29s466ms ] You see, you have to intentionally keep paying attention. [ 8m30s546ms - 8m34s526ms ] Now, I need to talk to you women for just a minute about guys. [ 8m36s126ms - 8m37s876ms ] I'm going to set you straight this morning. [ 8m40s416ms - 8m42s266ms ] Ladies, men are goal-oriented. [ 8m42s266ms - 8m45s386ms ] And unless you understand that, you're never going to understand the male psyche. [ 8m45s956ms - 8m53s386ms ] They have, they're hunters, they they set a goal and they say, I'm going to go after that goal, and we're not going to stop until we reach that goal. [ 8m54s226ms - 8m58s866ms ] A a good example would be um, a vacation car trip. [ 8m59s446ms - 9m2s676ms ] Have you ever taken a family vacation car trip with your dad? [ 9m4s606ms - 9m11s786ms ] Okay, it's, we're going to drive and drive and drive and drive and drive because we're going to get to the destination. [ 9m11s786ms - 9m14s336ms ] It's none of this, enjoy the journey. [ 9m14s586ms - 9m15s566ms ] No, no, no. [ 9m16s216ms - 9m24s846ms ] It's, we're not having fun till we get there, and once we get there, we are going to have fun, believe me, because that's the goal of this vacation. [ 9m26s506ms - 9m29s156ms ] Now, we men will set a goal and then they just aim for it. [ 9m29s396ms - 9m38s666ms ] It's like my dad, when we were growing up, we'd go on car vacations across America, he goes, all right, family, here's what we're going to do, tomorrow morning, we're going to start our vacation at 4:30 a.m. [ 9m39s596ms - 9m42s186ms ] And we're going to get up, and we're going to get in that car. [ 9m42s946ms - 9m45s106ms ] And two things will be true when we get in that car. [ 9m46s436ms - 9m50s566ms ] The gas tank will be full, and your bladder will be empty. [ 9m52s826ms - 9m58s536ms ] And we are going to drive and drive and drive and drive and drive and drive until two things are true. [ 9m59s336ms - 10m4s476ms ] The gas tank is empty and your bladder is full. [ 10m5s466ms - 10m9s996ms ] Now, God help the child whose bladder is full before the gas tank is empty. [ 10m11s496ms - 10m13s806ms ] Because we are destination-oriented. [ 10m14s496ms - 10m16s486ms ] Now, women, that's the way guys think. [ 10m17s646ms - 10m21s346ms ] So you take that logic and you apply it over to marriage, this is what happens. [ 10m23s336ms - 10m25s496ms ] One day a guy wakes up and he goes, [ 10m27s266ms - 10m28s176ms ] I got to get me a wife. [ 10m31s726ms - 10m33s186ms ] Okay, I I got to get a wife. [ 10m33s616ms - 10m35s756ms ] This is one of the, you know, you need this in life. [ 10m35s756ms - 10m36s126ms ] Okay. [ 10m36s126ms - 10m40s766ms ] Standard operating procedure, and now he is a man on a mission. [ 10m42s146ms - 10m45s356ms ] He has a very clear-cut goal, get a wife. [ 10m45s356ms - 10m46s796ms ] It's on the to-do list, you know, check it off. [ 10m47s926ms - 10m52s636ms ] And and so he goes out and during this stage of his life, a man becomes very, very creative. [ 10m53s536ms - 10m57s776ms ] And he woos and he wins, and he he's looking for the woman of his dreams. [ 10m58s526ms - 11m1s306ms ] And he finds her and he will do everything. [ 11m1s306ms - 11m9s596ms ] In fact, he'll do stuff that he would never otherwise do like read poetry, and stuff like that, he'll just do it because he's a man on a mission. [ 11m10s526ms - 11m12s386ms ] Now, I'm not trying to be crass or anything. [ 11m12s906ms - 11m15s476ms ] But once the wedding happens, [ 11m16s596ms - 11m21s436ms ] something clicks in this guy's mind and he's thinking, mission accomplished. [ 11m22s846ms - 11m24s816ms ] Got that one done. What's the next goal? [ 11m26s646ms - 11m29s886ms ] Now, he's not being selfish, he's just being a man. [ 11m30s316ms - 11m32s656ms ] And here's what men think, you need to understand this, ladies. [ 11m33s706ms - 11m37s746ms ] The moment you get married, his goal shifts. [ 11m38s226ms - 11m42s436ms ] His goal shifts to now, goal number two, I've got to provide for this woman. [ 11m44s116ms - 11m44s706ms ] I love her. [ 11m45s106ms - 11m46s566ms ] I've taken on extra responsibility. [ 11m47s366ms - 11m52s226ms ] I've got to go make some money because I have committed myself to caring for this woman. [ 11m53s626ms - 12m1s256ms ] And so subtly, the focus shifts from attention to the woman to attention to providing for the woman. Do you see the difference? [ 12m2s576ms - 12m10s386ms ] It's still love, it's just the focus has changed from the woman to, now, I've got to provide for this woman that I love. [ 12m11s656ms - 12m14s686ms ] Now, he's he's doing this in a loving way. [ 12m14s686ms - 12m17s326ms ] But what happens is the woman goes, what happened? [ 12m18s996ms - 12m21s386ms ] I thought we were going to spend long walks in the park. [ 12m22s656ms - 12m26s656ms ] You know, I thought we were going to still, you know, you know, read poetry. [ 12m26s656ms - 12m32s216ms ] And and all of a sudden she thinks, what happened here, you know, I'm I'm kind of left behind, I've been sidelined. [ 12m32s216ms - 12m34s146ms ] I've been displaced by a career. [ 12m35s146ms - 12m37s816ms ] I'm on the edge, I I've been dumped, I'm devastated. [ 12m38s726ms - 12m42s596ms ] And she feels a little bit into the marriage, it's been a bait and switch. [ 12m45s376ms - 12m49s856ms ] But really, he's got the same goal, I'm just want to provide for this woman that I love. [ 12m50s696ms - 12m52s146ms ] Now, you need to write this down in your outline. [ 12m53s386ms - 12m55s536ms ] I show I care by staying aware. [ 12m57s256ms - 13m0s116ms ] I show I care by staying aware. [ 13m0s826ms - 13m7s936ms ] And if your marriage is going to keep on growing, you've got to figure out a way to keep on paying attention to each other. [ 13m9s576ms - 13m12s846ms ] If you don't do that, your marriage is going to start to crumble. [ 13m13s226ms - 13m15s156ms ] You've got to keep on paying attention. [ 13m15s306ms - 13m20s76ms ] Now, one of the biggest problems in marriage is that we don't listen to each other. [ 13m20s466ms - 13m22s196ms ] We stop listening to each other. [ 13m22s346ms - 13m26s666ms ] We assume we know what the other person said, we think we've heard them say it over and over and over. [ 13m26s966ms - 13m33s376ms ] We're very presumptuous, we know in advance, so we start jumping over their words and thinking that we know what they're going to say. [ 13m33s616ms - 13m38s846ms ] Look at what the Bible says about this, let's read Proverbs 18:13 with great enthusiasm. [ 13m39s896ms - 13m44s696ms ] Answering before listening is both stupid and rude. [ 13m44s696ms - 13m46s466ms ] That's one to put up on the refrigerator. [ 13m46s466ms - 13m47s106ms ] There you go. [ 13m48s776ms - 13m52s576ms ] Answering before listening is both stupid and rude. [ 13m53s256ms - 13m56s6ms ] Now, why should I pay attention to my spouse? [ 13m56s406ms - 13m58s166ms ] Well, there are two really good reasons. [ 13m58s596ms - 14m0s966ms ] Number one, you love that person. [ 14m1s636ms - 14m3s486ms ] And love means paying attention. [ 14m4s276ms - 14m5s906ms ] When you give attention, you're showing love. [ 14m6s506ms - 14m11s976ms ] More important, number two, sometimes God is speaking through your spouse. [ 14m13s136ms - 14m14s176ms ] Oh, yeah. [ 14m15s646ms - 14m23s626ms ] In fact, God's favorite way to speak to you next to the Bible is through your spouse. [ 14m24s266ms - 14m24s946ms ] Hello. [ 14m26s706ms - 14m29s876ms ] Now, they don't realize it, they think it's their brilliant idea, but it's really God. [ 14m33s646ms - 14m38s496ms ] I can't tell you how many times God has spoken to me through my wife, Kay. [ 14m39s596ms - 14m51s346ms ] And she has said things that just went inside my soul that I knew she didn't know what was going on in me, and yet God did, and what God was saying to me was through her. [ 14m52s226ms - 14m52s896ms ] Look at this verse. [ 14m53s516ms - 15m0s366ms ] The Bible says in Job 33:14, God speaks in different ways and we don't always recognize his voice. [ 15m0s696ms - 15m6s386ms ] A lot of times we don't recognize it because we're not listening, we're not paying attention to our spouse. [ 15m6s916ms - 15m11s756ms ] Your husband or wife does not even have to be a Christian for God to speak through them. [ 15m13s386ms - 15m15s376ms ] God speaks through all kinds of people. [ 15m16s596ms - 15m18s966ms ] Now when God gives you an idea, we call it inspiration. [ 15m19s326ms - 15m21s906ms ] When the devil gives you an idea, we call it temptation. [ 15m23s146ms - 15m30s306ms ] But it's coming out through your husband's voice or your wife's voice and you need to pay attention. [ 15m31s636ms - 15m41s486ms ] Because God may be wanting to say something to you at that very moment that you need to hear, and these your wife or your husband is the closest megaphone he could find. [ 15m43s866ms - 15m46s616ms ] Why don't we pay better attention to our husbands or our wives? [ 15m47s816ms - 15m51s56ms ] Well, one reason is pride, you know, we think we know it all. [ 15m51s876ms - 15m54s596ms ] Another is presumption, we think we know what they're going to say. [ 15m55s906ms - 16m2s576ms ] And a third reason is a lot of times we're just in a hurry to get out what we want to say, so we're not even listening to what the other person says. [ 16m3s566ms - 16m5s316ms ] So God gives us an antidote. [ 16m6s266ms - 16m7s96ms ] James 1:19. [ 16m7s436ms - 16m9s366ms ] Notice it says, well, let's read it aloud. [ 16m9s626ms - 16m15s166ms ] Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. [ 16m15s646ms - 16m19s566ms ] Now, if you do the first two parts of that sentence, the third one's automatic. [ 16m20s466ms - 16m27s366ms ] If you are quick to listen, and if you are slow to speak, you will be automatically slow to get angry. [ 16m27s926ms - 16m30s336ms ] And it will keep your marriage going and growing. [ 16m31s146ms - 16m32s656ms ] You must keep on paying attention. [ 16m33s846ms - 16m34s766ms ]
Guest (Male): Tom's going to talk about the next one. [ 16m35s753ms - 16m40s723ms ]
Guest (Male): There's a second thing that you can do to keep your marriage growing, and that is keep on making adjustments. [ 16m41s573ms - 16m42s783ms ] Keep keep on making adjustments. [ 16m42s783ms - 16m47s483ms ] Because over the years, you're you're going to face lots of opportunities to make adjustments. [ 16m48s143ms - 16m48s993ms ] Things are going to change. [ 16m49s223ms - 16m50s853ms ] Your kids are going to grow up if you have kids. [ 16m51s533ms - 16m57s113ms ] You're going to find yourself moving from time to time, job changes, even illnesses force us to make adjustments. [ 16m57s563ms - 17m1s743ms ] And because circumstances keep changing, you have to keep adjusting. [ 17m2s333ms - 17m6s293ms ] And as as we adjust, let's just admit it, we're adjusting as two imperfect people. [ 17m6s723ms - 17m9s233ms ] We're not adjusting in this situation where everybody's perfect. [ 17m9s503ms - 17m12s893ms ] I I also noticed a letter from Dear Abby this last week. [ 17m12s893ms - 17m14s363ms ] Somebody wrote it and said, [ 17m14s583ms - 17m20s483ms ] Dear Abby, I'm 40 years old and I'd like to meet a mature man my age with no bad habits. [ 17m20s763ms - 17m21s633ms ] Signed Rose. [ 17m22s473ms - 17m24s843ms ] Abby wrote back, Dear Rose, so would I. [ 17m26s703ms - 17m31s103ms ] Because the truth is, we all need to learn to grow to adjust to each other. [ 17m31s543ms - 17m32s793ms ] That's just the truth of the matter. [ 17m33s233ms - 17m35s623ms ] It takes unselfishness to adjust. [ 17m35s933ms - 17m39s293ms ] In fact, learning to be unselfish, it's one of the greatest lessons of life. [ 17m39s923ms - 17m44s383ms ] It's one of the greatest lessons, in fact, maybe the number one lesson that God wants to teach you through your marriage. [ 17m44s703ms - 17m47s483ms ] is to learn to be unselfish. [ 17m47s883ms - 17m49s633ms ] If you want to be selfish, never get married. [ 17m49s633ms - 17m53s83ms ] Because to have a successful relationship, you got to learn to be unselfish. [ 17m53s593ms - 17m56s263ms ] To do what the Bible talks about in First John 3:18. [ 17m56s263ms - 17m57s593ms ] Would you read this verse with me? [ 17m58s903ms - 18m7s93ms ] Our love should not be just words and talk, it must be true love, which shows itself in action, in the way that you act. [ 18m8s733ms - 18m14s23ms ] So what does this involve? What what does adjusting to your husband or your wife involve? [ 18m14s23ms - 18m15s253ms ] Well, it involves a couple things. [ 18m15s953ms - 18m19s833ms ] First of all, it means thinking about what he or she needs the most. [ 18m20s883ms - 18m22s873ms ] Thinking about their needs and not just your needs anymore. [ 18m23s263ms - 18m31s93ms ] It involves what the Bible talks about in Philippians 2:4 when it says, look out for one another's interests and not just your own. [ 18m31s973ms - 18m35s723ms ] I don't know why it is that the longer we're married, the less we think about each other's needs. [ 18m35s723ms - 18m36s983ms ] It's sort of a crazy thing. [ 18m37s243ms - 18m46s73ms ] You might have heard about the newlyweds who they they drove up to a hotel and the wife says to the husband, oh, honey, I don't want anybody to know we're married, let's let's newly married, let's let's not act like we're newlyweds. [ 18m46s73ms - 18m49s23ms ] And the husband says to the wife, okay, you carry the bags. [ 18m50s563ms - 18m55s533ms ] Why is it that we think more and more about our needs and less and less about the needs of the person that we love? [ 18m55s833ms - 18m58s903ms ] The Bible says we're supposed to be concerned about everyone's needs. [ 18m59s333ms - 19m1s593ms ] And that's especially true in our homes. [ 19m2s233ms - 19m3s993ms ] You think about what does the other person need? [ 19m4s553ms - 19m8s413ms ] Adjusting also means what the Bible calls submitting to each other. [ 19m9s403ms - 19m14s203ms ] Giving up my rights, giving up my the thing that I really want in order to meet another person's need. [ 19m14s203ms - 19m16s863ms ] Listen to what the Bible says in Ephesians 5:21. [ 19m17s323ms - 19m20s773ms ] Honor Christ by submitting to each other. [ 19m21s973ms - 19m24s483ms ] Now I know how some guys think about this. [ 19m25s23ms - 19m25s793ms ] Because I talk to you. [ 19m26s223ms - 19m27s923ms ] I mean, some guys think, well, wait a minute, this thing. [ 19m27s923ms - 19m30s933ms ] I mean, isn't the husband supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home? [ 19m30s933ms - 19m35s483ms ] And yes, you're right about that, the Bible says husband is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home. [ 19m36s323ms - 19m41s543ms ] And so you think, hey, doesn't isn't the wife supposed to like follow her husband? And yes, that's also true. [ 19m42s183ms - 19m44s583ms ] But that doesn't mean that she does all the adjusting. [ 19m45s603ms - 19m47s73ms ] If if you're the leader, what does that mean? [ 19m47s613ms - 19m49s383ms ] It means you're out in front, right? [ 19m49s733ms - 19m51s293ms ] It means you're doing it first. [ 19m51s673ms - 19m53s203ms ] That's what you do to lead. [ 19m53s933ms - 19m56s143ms ] So to lead in adjusting means you make the first decision. [ 19m56s593ms - 20m5s483ms ] Ephesians 5 says, husbands be willing to sacrifice like Jesus sacrificed his life for the church, be willing to adjust to meet the other person's need. [ 20m5s603ms - 20m6s523ms ] That's what it's really all about. [ 20m7s333ms - 20m11s63ms ] There's a lot of ways to adjust that we have to adjust through life, a lot of big things. [ 20m11s633ms - 20m13s383ms ] But you know where it's the most difficult to adjust? [ 20m14s233ms - 20m14s943ms ] With the little things. [ 20m15s643ms - 20m16s403ms ] That's what I've found. [ 20m17s433ms - 20m25s323ms ] You know, the the the biggest argument Shanda and I ever had was over whether in my closet, the top button of my shirt should be buttoned or not when it was hung up on the. [ 20m25s323ms - 20m34s853ms ] I mean, she she thought it should be buttoned so it wouldn't get wrinkled, you know, and I thought it should be unbuttoned so I could just get it out really quick in the morning. [ 20m35s343ms - 20m40s723ms ] I was thinking about that this morning as I was unbuttoning my shirt from the hanger to put the. [ 20m47s323ms - 20m48s543ms ] What I was thinking was, [ 20m49s703ms - 20m51s233ms ] we need to adjust with the little things. [ 20m52s383ms - 20m56s363ms ] Maybe it means arriving a little bit later or leaving a little bit earlier. [ 20m57s233ms - 20m59s533ms ] Maybe it means going to bed a little bit later or a little bit earlier. [ 21m0s113ms - 21m5s243ms ] Maybe it means watching what the other person wants to watch on TV or going to the movie they want to go to or the restaurant they want to go to. [ 21m5s903ms - 21m9s333ms ] Maybe it means listening when they need you to listen to them and not when you want to listen to them. [ 21m10s23ms - 21m16s343ms ] It's in those little daily decisions to adjust to meet each other's needs, that real genuine love is expressed. [ 21m17s333ms - 21m18s233ms ] That's where it comes from. [ 21m18s993ms - 21m23s293ms ] You see, the the test of real love isn't what you say about how you love each other. [ 21m23s293ms - 21m25s233ms ] It's how you act. [ 21m27s193ms - 21m28s443ms ] You want greater harmony in your home? [ 21m29s833ms - 21m31s293ms ] There's just one decision you have to make. [ 21m32s763ms - 21m33s493ms ] Just one decision. [ 21m33s493ms - 21m35s143ms ] Treat your mate as Jesus would. [ 21m35s783ms - 21m37s673ms ] You make that one decision, it changes everything. [ 21m38s703ms - 21m41s963ms ] You begin to think that way, that is the definition of mature love. [ 21m42s693ms - 21m44s273ms ] To treat other people as Jesus would. [ 21m44s903ms - 21m46s303ms ] He's he's he's our example. [ 21m47s263ms - 21m50s563ms ] What does that mean? That means that you begin to become more patient with annoyances. [ 21m51s433ms - 21m54s63ms ] That means you begin to become more forgiving, you forgive mistakes. [ 21m55s193ms - 22m1s253ms ] You give up some of your fantasies, some of your unrealistic expectations of what marriage would be and you enjoy what it really is. [ 22m2s143ms - 22m3s913ms ] And and you seek what's best for the other person. [ 22m4s273ms - 22m13s923ms ] You do what the Bible talks about in Romans 15 verse 5, where the Bible says, may God help you to live in complete harmony with each other, each with the attitude of Christ Jesus. [ 22m13s923ms - 22m16s133ms ] Would you circle those words attitude of Christ Jesus? [ 22m16s713ms - 22m20s323ms ] Each with the attitude of Christ Jesus towards the other. [ 22m20s763ms - 22m24s283ms ] When you think that way, that helps you to begin to make the adjustments that keep your marriage growing. [ 22m26s188ms - 22m29s568ms ]
Pastor Rick Warren: The third way to keep your marriage growing is to keep on showing affection. [ 22m31s528ms - 22m32s828ms ] You got to pay attention. [ 22m33s458ms - 22m34s548ms ] You got to make adjustments. [ 22m35s548ms - 22m37s258ms ] You got to keep on showing affection. [ 22m38s508ms - 22m43s348ms ] The Bible tells us in Romans 12, love each other with genuine affection. [ 22m44s238ms - 22m47s88ms ] And take delight in honoring each other. [ 22m47s888ms - 22m52s158ms ] Now, I'm sure you'd all agree that it's easier to fall in love than it is to stay in love. [ 22m53s388ms - 22m55s598ms ] How do you rekindle a lost love? [ 22m56s248ms - 23m6s588ms ] When the feelings aren't there, when the spark has gone out, when the thrill is gone in your marriage, how do you rekindle the affection that you felt for each other at the beginning of your marriage? [ 23m8s378ms - 23m11s68ms ] Well, you do what Jesus told a church to do. [ 23m12s298ms - 23m23s808ms ] In the book of Revelation, Jesus told some Christians at the church of Laodicia, he said, you guys have lost your first love for me, and here's how you get your first love for me back. [ 23m23s808ms - 23m24s568ms ] And he tells them four things to do. [ 23m25s328ms - 23m41s928ms ] Now, it just so happens that the advice that Jesus gave to Jesus, uh that that Jesus gave to the church for coming back to him, are the same four things you need to do if you've lost the romantic feelings of affection for your husband or for your spouse, your wife. [ 23m43s168ms - 23m43s808ms ] Look at what the Bible says. [ 23m45s18ms - 23m46s228ms ] Revelation 2. [ 23m46s708ms - 23m49s988ms ] Jesus said, the love you had at first is gone. [ 23m51s508ms - 23m53s738ms ] Remember how far you have fallen. [ 23m54s598ms - 23m56s168ms ] Return to me. [ 23m57s78ms - 23m58s758ms ] Change the way you think and act. [ 23m59s548ms - 24m1s238ms ] And do what you did at first. [ 24m1s238ms - 24m6s708ms ] Now he says here four things, remember, return, repent, and repeat. [ 24m6s708ms - 24m8s628ms ] First he says, I want you to remember. [ 24m8s628ms - 24m9s148ms ] Circle that word. [ 24m9s708ms - 24m15s668ms ] He says, if you want to get the lost love back, you start remembering why you fell in love in the first place. [ 24m16s468ms - 24m18s28ms ] Think about those good times. [ 24m18s28ms - 24m19s838ms ] Remember the happy days. [ 24m20s358ms - 24m24s288ms ] Remember the feeling of being in love, and of being affectionate. [ 24m24s818ms - 24m28s708ms ] And rekindle those feelings simply starts by remembering. [ 24m28s708ms - 24m36s588ms ] God gave you a memory, and you have to stop thinking about all the problems you've got now and go back and remember, why did we fall in love in the first place? [ 24m37s548ms - 24m38s368ms ] That's the first step. [ 24m38s998ms - 24m41s128ms ] Then he says, next is return. [ 24m41s518ms - 24m45s688ms ] He says, return to me, turn your focus back to me. [ 24m45s958ms - 24m53s528ms ] Your focus has gotten on a lot of other things, on your problems, on your pressures, on your stresses, on your career. [ 24m53s528ms - 25m0s968ms ] And he says, if you want to return to your first love, you got to turn your attention back, return to me, refocus on me. [ 25m1s748ms - 25m3s668ms ] And then the third thing he says is repent. [ 25m4s368ms - 25m7s578ms ] He says, change the way you think and act. [ 25m8s248ms - 25m10s478ms ] The Greek word for that metanoia is the word repent. [ 25m10s478ms - 25m12s58ms ] Now, let's just review here. [ 25m13s388ms - 25m15s198ms ] Love is not a feeling. [ 25m17s418ms - 25m23s218ms ] It is not a feeling, it creates feelings, it creates enormous feelings, but love is not a feeling. [ 25m23s988ms - 25m25s788ms ] Love is a choice. [ 25m26s228ms - 25m30s548ms ] It's a commitment that says, I'm going to put your best interest over my own. [ 25m30s908ms - 25m33s188ms ] And anything other than that is not love. [ 25m33s338ms - 25m41s588ms ] It may be lust, it may be attraction, it may be sexual arousal, it could be infatuation, but it's not love. [ 25m42s598ms - 25m46s468ms ] Unless you're saying, I want to put your needs ahead of my needs. [ 25m46s468ms - 25m47s938ms ] That's what real love is. [ 25m47s938ms - 25m49s398ms ] And love is a choice. [ 25m50s388ms - 25m54s598ms ] If love were a feeling, God couldn't command it, because you can't force a feeling. [ 25m55s238ms - 25m58s438ms ] And yet in the Bible, over and over, God commands you to love. [ 25m59s378ms - 26m2s918ms ] He commands you to love others, he commands you to love believers in the church family. [ 26m2s918ms - 26m4s938ms ] He even commands you to love your enemies. [ 26m5s908ms - 26m8s128ms ] Now, if love were a feeling, he couldn't say that. [ 26m8s128ms - 26m11s648ms ] It's like a parent saying to a little child, I command you to be happy. [ 26m12s818ms - 26m14s318ms ] I'm trying, mommy, I'm trying. [ 26m15s808ms - 26m17s168ms ] You can't force a feeling. [ 26m18s248ms - 26m20s98ms ] But you can choose to love. [ 26m20s98ms - 26m23s488ms ] You choose who you're going to love and you choose who you're not going to love. [ 26m23s978ms - 26m31s88ms ] And so you can make a choice and say, I'm going to choose to love this person that I used to feel affection towards, but I don't anymore. [ 26m32s378ms - 26m35s368ms ] That's called repentance, change the way you think and act. [ 26m35s758ms - 26m39s418ms ] And then he says, after you remember and return and repent, he says, repeat. [ 26m39s418ms - 26m42s678ms ] He says, do what you did at first. [ 26m43s228ms - 26m45s958ms ] Do the things you did when you first fell in love. [ 26m46s308ms - 26m47s788ms ] Act the way you used to act. [ 26m47s788ms - 26m53s598ms ] Now we've said it every session in this series, that feelings always follow actions. [ 26m54s798ms - 26m58s998ms ] It's easier to act your way into a feeling than it is to feel your way into an action. [ 26m59s158ms - 27m4s338ms ] If you wait to feel affectionate and romantic, the devil will make sure you never feel it. [ 27m5s608ms - 27m9s278ms ] So you choose to act in a loving way and the feelings will come back. [ 27m9s888ms - 27m10s898ms ] What am I saying? [ 27m10s898ms - 27m15s478ms ] What you did to fall in love, you must continue to do to stay in love. [ 27m16s138ms - 27m18s318ms ] And if you don't, you won't. [ 27m19s378ms - 27m19s998ms ] Does that make sense? [ 27m21s638ms - 27m25s748ms ] And if you say you don't do those things that you used to do, [ 27m26s408ms - 27m32s178ms ] that's why you've lost that love and feeling. [ 27m33s188ms - 27m37s208ms ] Baby, baby, baby, baby. [ 27m37s648ms - 27m39s648ms ] I only do that for this service. [ 27m39s648ms - 27m40s108ms ] I just want you to know. [ 27m43s238ms - 27m44s688ms ] I need your love. [ 27m47s348ms - 27m47s918ms ] Hmm. [ 27m53s700ms - 27m55s680ms ]
Announcer: Such a great message from Pastor Rick today. [ 27m56s160ms - 27m58s550ms ] And I hope you were just as encouraged as I was. [ 27m59s60ms - 28m2s910ms ] Here's Pastor Rick to tell you how you can help support this ministry. [ 28m3s282ms - 28m8s962ms ]
Pastor Rick Warren: There are nearly 8 billion people on this planet and God wants us to reach every one of them with the gospel. [ 28m10s52ms - 28m19s792ms ] Jesus said, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I've commanded you. [ 28m20s222ms - 28m24s92ms ] And surely, I'm with you always to the very end of the age. [ 28m24s592ms - 28m26s852ms ] That's called the Great Commission. [ 28m27s282ms - 28m34s852ms ] It often seems like mission impossible, but if we'll work together to fulfill the Great Commission, God will turn it into the great completion. [ 28m36s12ms - 28m45s812ms ] You know, the Bible says that in heaven, an enormous crowd of people from every race, every tribe, every nation, and every language will one day stand before Jesus Christ to worship him. [ 28m45s812ms - 28m48s172ms ] That's in Revelation chapter 7, verse 9. [ 28m48s952ms - 28m56s652ms ] And that's why I'm asking you, friends, to partner with Daily Hope by becoming a partner in hope. [ 28m57s442ms - 28m58s392ms ] What is a partner in hope? [ 28m58s392ms - 29m7s412ms ] Well, right now, we're able to take the good news of Jesus into almost every country of the world, including regions where it's difficult or dangerous to share the gospel. [ 29m8s292ms - 29m15s252ms ] But thanks to your prayers and your financial support, we reach millions of people around the world every month through radio, [ 29m16s382ms - 29m28s952ms ] the Internet, podcasting, TV, and we're translating Daily Hope into 25 languages that enable us to reach over 80% of the world's population. [ 29m29s642ms - 29m31s172ms ] That's because of your faithfulness. [ 29m32s372ms - 29m36s202ms ] And yet, there are still billions of people that need to hear about the hope we find in Jesus. [ 29m37s202ms - 29m40s482ms ] So please, pray about becoming a partner of Hope today. [ 29m40s972ms - 29m44s452ms ] Partners in Hope provide vital monthly support. [ 29m45s202ms - 29m54s502ms ] That will help us reach millions more people around the world, including these regions we're going to that have no Bibles, no believers, and no bodies of Christ. [ 29m55s392ms - 30m2s412ms ] If God puts it on your heart, then please, join us, become a partner of Hope today. [ 30m2s412ms - 30m9s992ms ] With your first monthly donation, we'll send you a special gift to welcome you to the partner in hope family. [ 30m11s292ms - 30m14s862ms ] Now, there's nothing more important that we can do together. [ 30m14s862ms - 30m23s2ms ] Then to make sure people all around the world hear the good news of Jesus Christ and have a chance to grow in God's word. [ 30m23s472ms - 30m25s942ms ] Join us today as a partner in hope. [ 30m26s492ms - 30m40s272ms ]
Announcer: To become a partner in Hope with convenient automated monthly giving, just go to pastorrick.com, or text the word hope to 70309, and when you do, we'll send you a very special welcome gift to say thanks. [ 30m40s622ms - 30m49s182ms ] Again, that's pastorrick.com, or just text the word hope to 70309, and thank you so much for your support. [ 30m49s592ms - 30m54s342ms ] Be sure to join us next time as we look into God's word for our daily hope. [ 30m54s812ms - 30m59s962ms ] This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial support.